As
much as I would love to write an article about how wonderful
it is to be a mother, and how fulfilling it is to be an artist
and a mother at the same time, this is not my reality. My life
consists of having a disheveled house, never having time to
cook dinner for my family, having a hazardous waste area for
a studio, and a dog that, when not begging for me to take him
out, is lying on my lap, or somewhere else close, as I work.
Top that off with an evening full of trying to tie up all of
the loose ends that unraveled throughout a day, and then being
too exhausted to be intimate with my husband.
There it is, in all of it's glory—my wonderful life of
being an artist/mother.
Now for the perks. Every time I get a rejection letter via regular
mail or e-mail, I can pick my daughter, Myles, up from school,
and enjoy seeing that she is completely unfazed, happy to see
me, and doesn't even acknowledge the looming rejections, because,
well, she doesn't know or care that I was rejected. That is
a big relief, and somehow seems to keep me willing to beg for
more rebuttals of my amazing endeavors as an artist. On the
same note, any time I have an accomplishment, although willing
to party with me in celebration, my daughter will be just as
willing to humble me with a few choice words like, " I
hate you," or my favorite, "Mommy, why is your breath
so stinky?"
I don't have to worry about getting too big of an ego.
As well as being my best grounding weight, my daughter has been
my navigation system as an artist. Watching her grow from a
baby into a little girl made me quickly reassess my value system.
Previous to being a mom, I studied Psychology and Spanish, because
I thought that is what me as a mom should do. But I learned
much more after I had Myles. Having my daughter made me realize
how I could feel about something, how I could love it
so much that I'd just rather not breathe without it. I felt
that way about art, but I felt it was not a ticket to social
acceptance. And it's not, but having my sweet Myles gives me
a wonderful base ground that is so easy to launch from. I don't
have the words to explain what that feels like, exactly, but
I'm sure most parents know what I mean.
As for whether she herself will be an artist or not, well, I
just really hope she is strong enough to do what she loves.
I quietly am aware that I am modeling for her, that I am showing
her how to be someone who will have that ability. I know she
will do something amazing with her life, and I can't wait to
find out what that is. And in the meantime, she will grow up
watching her mom pour everything she has that hasn't already
been given to her into the one thing that makes sense to her
mom.
So, in the end, yes I love being and artist/mother. But it's
not glamorous, or fairytale-like. It's a struggle, just like
any other struggle life. So, I just do what every one else does,
which is the best that I can.
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